Last night, while celebrating the arrival of our newest little granddaughter, I was showing my two grandsons’ pictures of themselves when they were born.
Then Kyrie (age 6) asked me to show him pictures of his grandfather.
That stayed with me.
Their grandfather died two weeks ago, and I’ve been watching my two grandsons respond in their own ways. When I spoke with Kairo (age 8) around the day of the funeral, I asked how he was feeling. He said he was okay. When I asked if he was sad, he said no.
Kyrie had been telling his mother that he missed his grandfather. He had cried. And last night, surrounded by the excitement of a new baby, he wanted to see his pictures.
Luckily, I had a few. We looked at them together, and when I asked if he missed him, he said yes.
Kyrie is our mischievous one. I see so much of his grandfather in his expressions and mannerisms, especially that little look he gives you. His grandfather saw it, too. He used to say Kyrie was his spitting image.
Seeing those familiar little things in him brings me comfort. It also reminds me that this little boy has his own memories of his grandfather, his own relationship with him, and his own missing to do.
I’m learning not to expect that missing to look the same in both boys. One asks for photographs. One tells me he feels okay. I want both of them to know they can come to me exactly as they are.
Kairo’s lack of tears doesn’t measure his love. And the resemblance I see in Kyrie is something I treasure, without needing to compare the connection each boy had with their grandfather.
I’m also learning that we don’t have to wait for children to bring someone up before letting them know it’s okay to talk about them. We can gently offer an opening: “I was remembering Grandpa today. Would you like to see a picture?”
Then follow their interest. If they say they feel okay, we can accept that and simply remind them, “You can always talk to me about him or ask me questions.”
We can keep the photographs nearby, share the stories, and say his name without expecting a particular response.
And what made last night even sweeter was how excited Kyrie had been to meet his baby sister. He was welcoming someone new while missing someone he loved. Both feelings were there, in the same little heart.
We talk about carrying the people we love forward. Our little ones are doing that, too. They may need us to bring out the photographs, tell the stories, and keep saying the names of the people they remember.
Last night, Kyrie wanted to see his grandfather.
And I was grateful I could show him. 🤍
